Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
