Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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