What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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