If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
