You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
