just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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