they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
