The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
