somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
