4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
