He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
