You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Farmville is her only friend.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
