It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
