My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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