Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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