you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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