Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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