In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
