kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
