I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
