We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You pole danced in your parka.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
