If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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