just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
