Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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