i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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