at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
