we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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