So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
