You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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