you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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