i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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