Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
