I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
