What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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