Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
