That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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