I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
