Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
