My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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