Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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