I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
