trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
