i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
