oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
