If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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