I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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