time to smoke my breakfast
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
