lets start a swedish sibling band together
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
