When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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