I love black thongs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
