NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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