I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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