Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
