He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
