Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
