he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
