does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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